HELP: Step right up By Terry Rainey

Word: HELP
Word Count 500

Step right up
By Terry Rainey
Writing lots, want an eager audience for your writing? Driving long distances to writing groups in drafty libraries, uncomfortable chairs, around a mish-mash of oblong tables, full of misgiving and indigestion? You want no muss, no fuss, no spills; you want writing group nirvana? Ready to turn anywhere for help? Well, fret no longer, help is here!
Hi, I’m Ron Popeil, president of Ronco; maker of the Chop-O-Matic, onions chopped to perfection without shedding a single tear, except maybe tears of joy! Veg-O-Matic, “Slice a tomato so thin it only has one side,” Great Looking Hair #9: Hair in a can!
And now, I’m happy to tell you about the Inflatable Portable Writing Group. That’s right, you too can be the proud owner of an Inflatable Portable Writing Group, Tired of traveling to meetings, late sometimes, just want to hear your own stories? Stuck inside of Dolgeville with the Herkimer blues again?
All inflatable portable writing group members are perfectly safe, made of extra strength Pleather, Ronco’s unique, patented blend of plastic and leather. Malleable and interested in every story you read. Receive our free brochure, watch the YouTube demo. Call us, no obligation! No salesperson will visit your home.
Exceed the word limit while everyone nods, and wants more — yes more — of your words, eating them up like popcorn, giving frothy comments, bursting into applause, Step right up, step right up, everyone’s a winner, the quality goes in before the name goes on, and we got service after sales.
Each Inflatable Portable Writing Group has its own personality and backstory! Get the basic “Set it, and forget it!” group, each week the same praise, or you can go deluxe — custom fitted for your work, and ranging from enthusiastic to downright gushing to almost-embarrassing adoration.
New historical figures! Read your piece and have Abe Lincoln exclaim “You brung forth that story so well and graciously” or Socrates proclaim “Your words are not only immortal but divine.” New this Christmas, there’ll be the Waltons.
Take the Inflatable Portable Writing Group with you! Lightweight, stylish Suitcase available. Never gets opened by TSA! Meet in your hotel room, automobile, attic, or prison cell. Allow thirty days for delivery; don’t be fooled by cheap imitations.
Guaranteed, or money back except for shipping and handling. How do we do it, how do we do it? We want your business; we’ll give you the business. One size fits all, skip the middle man, don’t settle for less, uses regular American air. Now you’ve heard it advertised, don’t hesitate, easy-to-follow assembly, never needs ironing, you can step right up, lasts a lifetime.
Friends, it’s the only product you’ll ever need, It’s new, it’s improved, it’s old-fashioned, takes care of business, never needs winding, batteries not included, Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available, You can step right up, c’mon, c’mon, step right up to the Inflatable Portable Writing Group! Each set comes with one year’s writing prompts. While supplies last, not lawful in all states.

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