Word Count: 484
By Peg Scarano
We were a family of five. When the girls were little, my husband worked long hours while I stayed home tending to the children. I did work part-time, but only when my husband could be home to watch the girls. I cannot say we struggled back in the day, but we were very careful with our money. We had a beautiful home with a swimming pool, two cars and our daughters were well fed and dressed. Much to my daughters’ chagrin, their clothing was not from the GAP or New York and Company. I was a sale shopper. And, we felt lucky they were all the same gender so I could also utilize the hand-me-down method of dress as well!
My days were a combination of routine and chaos. One never knew upon getting up in the morning how the day would evolve. Sometimes it was filled with bloody noses, scraped knees, nightmares, refereeing, feeding frenzies, extracurricular activities, extra friends hanging out, overseeing meals and supervising between-meal treats. If a mom isn’t careful, three children can quickly destroy a budget by ingesting Oreos, Twinkies, Goldfish, chocolate bars, cartons of ice cream and other assorted goodies.
However, during a rare day dealing with just the normal activities, my mind had time to wander and explore exciting new people, places and things. Some of my favorite fantasizing involved realistic wishes and dreams while other thoughts were pretty selfish and provocative. I daydreamed of evenings filled with inner and outer peace, meeting with my delicious sweetie – all totally uninterrupted with the focus of attention entirely on me and my wants and needs – a quiet time to feel comfortable, to sigh, smile, relax and to just enjoy the moment. Oh what a special treat!
But how do a wife and a mother do this without feeling guilty? It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It took courage, daring and a strong heart to selfishly go to my secret place and cheat on my family. How would I face them in the morning? If they found out, would they still love and respect me? How could I do something this unfair to everyone and still hold my head high the next day? But, my incredible need was insatiable.
I have said to myself and my children many times over the years, “Life is not fair and we have to get over it when the unfairness of it smacks us in the face”. So I continued my selfish clandestine affair for years, constantly wallowing in the guilt. Each night when everyone was tucked in bed soundly sleeping, I would sneak out of my room, grab the love of my life and sneak off to our quiet place. Then I would simply enjoy the contentment, peace, calm and joy of savoring my very own special someone – my lover, my life – my delectable, irresistible Klondike bar.