MOUSTACHE: The Return of the Black Bastards By Nan Ressue

Word Count 438
The Return of the Black Bastards
By Nan Ressue
It was one of those long, dark, restless nights when every sound you hear is magnified and sleep is nowhere near. The sounds floated up through the open window and were comfortingly familiar; the train whistles down the valley, the tom cat trying to conquer the neighborhood prima donna, and the next door neighbor leaving for the night shift., M attention turned internal for the nightly body inventory. Stretching out a little, I gingerly tested my big toe that I had smacked against the bedpost a couple days ago . It seems to be a little less painful.
“Any new twinges, jabs, or sore spots to add to the list?”, I asked myself . My eyes flicked open as I stumbled on unfamiliar set of symptoms.
“My face feels extra warm and tingly. Maybe it got sunburned in the garden and I didn’t notice. It could be that new lotion that’s supposed to be age defying,” I counseled myself. Determined to fall asleep, I rolled over and was nearly there until there was this weird faint straining, popping sound. What was THAT? The tingling had become an itch. “You better check, “ said my compulsive self.
With the lights still off, I crept out of bed and slipped across the hall to the bathroom. Planning a surprise attack, I flipped on the lights and faced myself in the mirror.
“Ah Ha! Chin hairs! Wouldn’t you know it. And, a wonderful bonus,”… I said with disgust. “, they showed up in groups. I’ll have to pluck my brains out to get rid of this crop. That will be a swell way to start the day.”
I went back to bed and tried to settle in. Finally, half asleep, I noticed a tiny black figure the on the dreamscape who had started walking toward me, striding forward with confidence, gradually becoming larger, then menacing, and finally looming over the bed,.
“Well …what do ya know ? It’s Darth Vader,” I sneered.”
Bending closer to my pillow, he hissed,” Do you like your new face fur my son?,”
“What do you mean SON?”, I yelled. “You screwed it up. I’m a girl and I don’t appreciate this AT ALL.
“Don’t yell at me like you know everything”, he threatened. I simply sent the Black Bastards to the wrong bed. We all can make mistakes you know.”
And with a swirl of his cape and a puff of smoke, he was gone. “
“Wouldn’t you know that it would be a creep like that who was responsible for chin hairs? Who’s the real Black Bastard I ask you?”

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