Week 11 Word: PARODY
The Bogus Parody Spoof
(A Tragic Love Story, Only Different)
By Ray Shearer
Like the song says ‘The night life ain’t no good life, but it’s my life.’ and my life was about to turn upside down. My clientele comprised the usual P.I. snooping, cheating spouses, or digging up dirt on a witness for some shyster. But tonight the hair on my neck told me different as i opened up the office window to clear the air from a lucky left smoldering in the ashtray. Off in the distance I heard a radio playing a sax riff from Harlem Nocturne.
The door handle twisted. In strolled a tall glass of water. I could see by the cut of her jib that this was no bimbo. This dame was top shelf from her quaffed perm to her long shapely gams.
She smiled “I’M LOOKING FOR REX DIAMOND.”
“YOU FOUND HIM, HOW MAY I BE OF SERVICE?
“MY HUSBAND” she said “HE’S MISSING”
“NAME?” I asked.
“MINE OR HIS?”
“LET’S START WITH YOURS”
“DESDEMOINA FIBTIPTON”, she whispered.
“AND YOUR HUSBAND?”
She mumbled “JOHN”
Stunned I asked “JOHN BHEARS FIBTIPTON THE GIZILLIONARE, WHO GIVES AWAY MILLIONS TO STRANGERS?”
She batted her baby blues, bowed her head and and sighed ” YES AND THERE’S A PHOTOGRAPH— I’M BEING—–BLACKMAILED.
The particulars of this case piqued my curiosity, note to self. raise hourly rate.
Suddenly the door flew open. The bulls burst thru.
“COOL YOUR HEELS DIAMOND, THIS SKIRT POPPED UP ON MY RADAR. SHE’S IN DEEP AND WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED YOU’RE MAKIN COZY WITH HER.
WELL SHE’S OUTTA YOUR LEAGUE DIAMOND. THIS BROAD AIN’T NO FLUSEE. IF SHE’S GOT HER MEAT HOOKS IN YA IT’S CURTAINS FOR THE BOTH A YA.
I put it on the line, “I’VE BEEN HERE ALL NIGHT AND THE LITTLE LADY IS A CLIENT.
- FIBTIPTON IS MISSING.”
The copper flashed a photo,”NOT ANYMORE HE AIN’T. HE’S TOES UP IN THE COOLER AND YOUR TOMATTA’S LOOKIN GOOD FOR IT.”
She shot me a desperate look ” WHY REX AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER ALL NIGHT, TELL HIM REX”
I was thinking out loud ” OUTTA ALL THE P. I. OFFICES IN ALL THE TOWNS IN ALL THE WORLD, SHE HAD TO WALK INTO MINE”. I dummied up.
The bull pointed to the photo “HE’S WEARING YOUR DRESS.”
She sobbed “IT’S MY FAVORITE. A COCO CHANALE ORIGINAL. HE HAD NO RIGHT.”
I had to ask “YOU KILLED HIM BECAUSE HE WAS WEARING YOUR DRESS?”
NO She screamed “I KILLED HIM BECAUSE HE LOOKED BETTER IN IT THAN I DID!”
The copper grinned “IT’S CURTAINS FOR YOU SISTER.” He slapped on the bracelets.
” REX DO SOMETHING’ She sobbed “GRAY’S NOT MY COLOR, HORIZONTAL STRIPES MAKE ME LOOK FAT.
REX CAN YOU HONESTLY SEE ME IN DRAB COTTON?”
Off in the distance that radio was now playing midnight serenade. I consulted my old friend Jonnie Red, poured two fingers worth and raised my glass.
“HERE’S LOOKIN AT YOU KID.”